As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children (I Thes. 2:11)
What makes a good father? It is easy for a man to bring a child into the world but it takes special effort to be good father. What the world expects of a father has changed over the years. One website observed that in 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and a 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home. In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream. Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons’ ears and shout, “When do you have a minute?” In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons. Today, kids wouldn’t be caught dead in dad’s clothes. While the world’s conception of a good father has changed, God’s has not!
According to Paul’s statement, a good father “exhorts” his children. The word “exhort” here is translated from the Greek word parakaleo and it means to call near, i.e. invite, invoke. It is sometimes translated “beseech” (I Pet. 2:11) and sometimes “desire” (Acts 8:31), among other words. The idea it carries in this context seems to be a strong urging of these brethren to greater faithfulness.
A good father will likewise urge his children and implore them as he rears them. He can do this by first of all being a good example himself. Paul urged Christians to “be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ” (I Cor. 11:1). Luke gave us a record of all that Jesus began both to do and to teach (Acts 1:1). Note that our Lord first lived as He wanted us to live and then taught us to do so. Very few are willing to follow those who “say and do not,” binding heavy burdens on others that they, themselves would not lift one finger to do (Matt. 23:3,4). It is especially important that fathers live a good example for their children to follow. Children are hungry to learn at a very early and impressionable age and will follow the example of the father willingly and instinctively if offered it.
Because of this intrinsic desire to learn, a good father will also seek out opportunities to teach his children the important lessons in life. The Lord said of Abraham, “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him (Gen. 18:19). Abraham taught his son Isaac that obedience to God, the worship of God and trusting in God was very important, even more important than life itself (Gen. 22:1-19). A good father should always be cognizant that he is his children’s best and most important teacher (Deut. 6:1-9).
A good father also “comforts” his children. The word used here means to encourage or console. One of the great roles that a parent must fill in the life of his children is that of comforting them when things go wrong and encourage them during difficult times. An important ingredient in this task requires the father to listen carefully to his child. So many times we think we know what may be the problem, but we may not. In fact, many times we are completely wrong. This is a problem not only between parents and children but also between adults as well. So often we don’t listen to one another or we instead hear what we want to hear. In another context James said we should be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath (James 1:19). This is just as important in our approach to our children and one another as it is in our approach to God. It is only when the problem is truly understood that a father can then encourage and comfort.
A good father will also provide for the needs of his child. Paul stated the father needs to lay up for the children (II Cor. 12:14). Those who do not do so, Paul says, have denied the faith and are worse than infidels (I Tim. 5:8). One of the greatest needs children have is to know that they are loved. God created people to be loved and things to be used. But so often today we love things and use people. Love your children! It is the greatest gift you could give your child. Tell them you love them and let them know by the way you treat them. If your children know you love them then it makes it much easier to apply the next quality.
Finally, Paul says good fathers “charge” their children. This is a powerful word even though it is used only three times in the New Testament. The first time it is used, it is used of the scourging of Jesus (John 19:1). The last time it is used it is used of God scourging “every son whom He receiveth” (Heb. 12:6). Obviously, no father should scourge his children in the sense in which Jesus was, but good fathers should visit proper discipline upon their children at appropriate times. Too many parents today are more afraid of alienating their children if they discipline them than they are of allowing their children to go astray. They seek to be more of a friend than a father. The wise man said it best: “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell” (Prov. 23:13,14).
The best example we have of a good father is, of course, God. The more earthly fathers are like the heavenly Father, the better fathers they’ll be.
Eric L. Padgett